Be angry and sin not – the words flashed through my mind with stinging conviction. My heart bled with the wounds inflicted by my own sin. Tired, angry, and over-whelmed, I let my emotions overrule my good judgment and let my tongue run rampant and unchecked. My reactions always seem to fall back to some ingrained sinful, default, setting that I learned in childhood.
When I am angry, disagree, or have a conflict or issues with someone I must wrestle with my feeble courage to voice the matter. I despise my own insecurities, but even more I hate how eagerly my tongue tells the whole matter to a friend. Oh, what a wretched woman that I am; I am unable to voice a complaint and yet so easily grumble to another. Oh how my heart identifies with Paul when he said, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do.”
And so it continues, even with the harsh reality of my own sin so clearly evident upon my mind, while tearful words of repentance are still on my lips, my mind begins to justify my words. Yet, whether the words say be angry and sin not or be overwhelmed and sin not, the principal is still the same, and before I can even voice my own inward justification, the spirit again convicts. “Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you.” Why should I ever feel overwhelmed? Why do I forget where to lay my burdens and not remember to “be vigilant”? (I Peter 5) If I would just remember that there is grace for the journey, not just grace to cover my sin, but grace to carry the burdens so there is no occasion to sin.